Recently, someone was asking me about my fitness plans for that week. Their instinctive response?
Dude: “You’re a glutton for punishment.”
Me: “Absolutely not. I don’t do punishment.”
Then they asked if it was the post-workout feeling that I enjoyed. I responded that actually, I don’t usually pay much attention to how I feel after. It’s really about how I’m feeling DURING my fitness activities that matters most to me.
This brief interaction got me thinking about some sentiments I’ve noticed lately.
There is a lot of confusion about the idea of something that is difficult automatically feeling bad (and the choices that stem from that).
There is also a lot of confusion about what it means to get through something difficult.
Today’s post will break these down.
Difficult doesn’t mean it feels bad
When something becomes difficult, it’s because the situation demands that we reach the edge of—or are pushed beyond—our comfort zone.
Acorn + Burdock
Take a look at the graphic I created below to illustrate this.
The more difficult something is, the more we have moved away from a concentration of comfort. Similarly, The more uncomfortable something feels, the more difficult the situation is.
Let’s be really clear that some things are difficult simply because they are indeed bad. Trauma, for example, is obviously way out of our comfort zone. Because something horrible has happened.*
But there is actually a super long distance between the edge of your comfort and the truly harmful. Seriously. It’s neurological (look it up if you’re curious).
In that distance, there is a full range of mild discomfort through to life-threatening terror.
Why does this matter?
Now that we know that slight discomfort doesn’t actually mean it feels bad. Why does this matter?
It matters to know that a difficult experience may simply be at the edge of your comfort zone, because that’s where growth happens.
If you’re always super comfortable, there’s not much reason to push yourself any further than you already have, right? Why would you?
The more you’re able to push to the edges and just beyond of your comfort zone, the broader your capacity becomes. This means you can literally train your mind to be more powerful. How awesome is that??
Pushing doesn’t always look the same
How you push yourself will change and look different in each situation and on any given day.
Some days, pushing will mean being fierce or assertive. Think standing up for yourself or someone else, or going further in a workout than you thought you could.
Other days, pushing yourself might look more like leaning into your internal alignment, or leaning into your emotional intelligence or rationality than you usually would.
How do you know what it looks like for your unique circumstances and life?
The easiest way to know you’re pushing yourself at a meaningful yet digestible rate is to notice how it feels as you take on whatever you’re doing. Are you learning? Are you feeling a bit out of your depth? Are you at the edge of your comfort, and are you there because you’re CHOOSING to be there (not because it’s been forced on you).
This last point is an important one. That it must only feel slightly uncomfortable because you have chosen the discomfort. For example, if you’ve shown up for a challenging workout class, or you’ve signed up for a difficult course, or you’ve stepped into a new role.
You can still grow from a situation that someone else has forced on you, but that’s not a daily occurrence.**
Your growth can be. It’s up to you.
So find the edge of your comfort and let’s get growing!
*If you’ve experienced a traumatic experience, that’s not what this post is about, and you should seek out professional assistance to help you process through the trauma. I’ve personally had really wonderful and effective experiences with a “strength-based therapist” who also specialized in trauma, though of course you should find what works for you.
**If you believe it is a daily occurrence that others force bad feelings on you and you’re not literally incarcerated or literally in slave labour, you should scroll through my other empowerment and achieving goals posts on my blog. Or read High Magick by Damien Echols.