See Yourself, Choose Yourself

If you’ve been reading my other posts, you may have come across a couple of references I have openly made about being a survivor of child abuse. For some of you, these types of open references are really uncomfortable.

I’m not one to shy away from sharing my story or speaking openly about real matters. I’ve delivered speeches in which I’ve shared my story. Some people physically squirm; others become very emotionally defensive after the fact. To my story, about myself.

And yet it’s understandable. The idea of any adult willfully inflicting pain and suffering on a child is a horrible concept. And given the prevalence and estimated under-reporting of child abuse, when I’m speaking to that room of people, it’s likely that a notable percentage of those folks have also experienced mistreatment, regardless of who the audience is.

So why do I speak openly about abuse?

Here’s the thing. Life in this physical world, as we all know, is not perfect. We are all subject to a wide variety of experiences, including both the good and the bad. We know that bad things happen, even to good people. But let’s not kid ourselves. Bad things happen to everyone.

Everyone. It doesn’t matter how perfect or nurturing or well-positioned for success someone’s upbringing or life was or is. It doesn’t have to have been abuse, either. Maybe it was something thoughtless a friend said or did when you were young. Or a moment when a parent didn’t show up for you (literally or emotionally).

What’s so terrifying about that idea? Really. It’s just logical.

The fact that no one is wound-free is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not even something to be angry or dismayed about, frankly. It’s just a fact. Just as every single person has had a physical ailment—or many—from childhood, from colds and flus to cuts and infections (and of course many of us also have other disabilities or chronic issues), each person has also at some point experienced emotional wounding.

We may not remember it. We may minimize the effect something had on us. We may feel shame (that, in my experience, may manifest as defensiveness) about the idea that we’ve ever been emotionally impacted. But I think if we’re genuinely and compassionately honest with ourselves, we’ll recognize that there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that you were emotionally impacted in a way that really affected you. 

After all, you’re in good company. With the rest of civilization.

OMG why are we still talking about this and what does it have to do with intuition??

Personal development, spiritual development—and in my opinion, sustainable happiness in life—require something of us. If we want to grow personally, then we need to remove anything that has impeded that growth to date, regardless of how insignificant it may appear. If we want to develop natural abilities into skills, we need to explore why those abilities have not yet developed into skills. After all, we’re all adults here.*

Using intuitive abilities, whether you believe they’re spiritual, emotional, instinctive, or psychological, requires us to be able to:

  • Be fully in this present moment with whatever we are experiencing.
  • Be aware of our inner dialogue with ourselves.
  • Feel into our experiences just as they are.
  • Trust ourselves, even if just a bit.
  • Be courageous when an unpleasant memory arises or a scary emotion with a deep root comes to our attention.

Definitely, it’s easier to keep ourselves busy and not be present with what we’re feeling, because those feelings aren’t always pleasant if we haven’t done the emotional work to heal through them. It’s so much easier just to run away from ourselves when something uncomfortable from within arises. We couldn’t control the circumstances that caused our wounding, whatever that wounding was. But as adults, in the present, we have the choice of what we do now.

This work takes courage. It takes patience. It will change you personally. Sometimes it might feel really messy. But if you persist in truly facing yourself, and reach out to appropriate supports to help you process through what arises, you will find your original power that you’ve always had.

What tools can help with this?

This post has been less about a specific tool and more about getting comfortable with the discomfort. But I don’t want to leave you out on a limb, so here’s what I suggest.

Do the 30-day homework.

Seriously. Just do it. This is the link. It doesn’t cost you any money to do, and it takes five minutes a day, which all of us either has or can make the time to have.

Balance professional assistance with your own emotional work.

Counselling and energy healing can be powerful, and I always encourage people to get assistance. But it’s just that. Assistance. That work should facilitate you to grow, but it won’t magically make everything easy for you. You need to do the rest of the work yourself.

If any professional you’re seeing (e.g. counselling or energy healing) isn’t actually giving you homework to actively work on yourself, ask for it. Or question whether it’s time to find another service provider who is a better fit for where you’re at now.

You can get all the counselling and/or energy work you want, but if you’re not doing any of the hard work yourself, things won’t actually shift for you because you won’t be dealing with the root issues. Speaking from personal experience with a wide range of work with counselling and energy healing.

Less defeat, more compassionate courage. No running away from yourself. Be both gentle and firm with yourself. You’ve got this.


*Note: For any minors who may have found their way to this site, if you need confidential and anonymous professional counselling, may be useful. For anyone in need of immediate help, call 911 or the emergency number in your area.

For the adults (for whom this site is intended), if you’re in Ontario, remember that you are legally obligated to report suspected or confirmed abuse of a minor to police or the Children’s Aid Society (CAS) under Ontario’s Child and Family Services Act. It is your business. Child welfare is everybody’s business.

Visit  for more information.

For those living in other areas, most jurisdictions have clear legislation about reporting suspected or confirmed abuse of minors, so make sure you look up the relevant information in your jurisdiction if you’re not sure.

Also, for adults in the Toronto area, Red Door Shelter ( provides services for families and individuals who need safe and supportive emergency shelter.

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