Trigger warning: child abuse/verbal abuse/trauma. As an adult, I’ve always put down my artistic abilities. In fact, I’ve kind of trash-talked my ability to draw. But I used to draw. All the time. What happened?
I’m pretty darned creative. Not only have I created Chakra Healing Tarot, I have previously worked as a professional makeup artist. Plus, I am always creating interesting designs (all those Tarot and journaling spreads I create and share here!). Frankly, I’m always creating something.
And also, I used to draw.
All the time. I loved it.
Until this one incident from when I was about 5 years old
I only recently remembered it. Which is really common for trauma survivors, as I’ve shared previously in a number of posts about my upbringing and everything I’ve intentionally invested in healing through.
Here’s what happened: I was about 5 years old, and loved to draw. Every single day, I would sit at my little desk in my play area and quietly draw.
One day, the person who gave birth to me went into one of her regular rages, and she destroyed all of my art.
She tore it up and crunched it up, all while screaming at me that I was stupid, among other things. She continued to scream as she put my destroyed art into garbage bags.
Only recently did I also realize that I stopped drawing after that.
I am sharing this today for two reasons
- First, I have decided I am TAKING BACK MY ART now. I am going to start drawing again. Even if it takes me a really long time to learn. I am committed to reconnecting with this part of myself, and encouraging her to come out of hiding (now that I’ve remembered she went into hiding).
- Second, I am not the only person who has experienced trauma and abuse, and hidden parts of Self in order to survive. So I am going to share my journey with you as I go. It’s my hope that perhaps others who have parts of themselves that are in hiding (and it might not be art for you! It could be any part of yourself), can be encouraged and inspired to begin to reconnect with yourself too.
If you want to watch this journey, I’ll be posting as I go on Instagram and I encourage you to follow me there.
In the meantime, you can find lots of other blog posts on self-healing here.
Blessings and empowerment to you.