Are you skilled at really listening to yourself? I’m not talking about confidence here, by the way. The skill of adeptly listening to ourselves is, in fact, a key leadership skill that falls into the emotional intelligence bucket of leadership proficiencies.
It’s not fluff.
Listening to ourselves has sometimes been painted as either “fluffy” at worst or controversial at best.
Perhaps you’ve heard the very 90s perspective that everyone should “follow their heart” (which means it’s on trend again?). Or perhaps another perspective that only paying attention to our whims (and therefore potentially unconscious bias as described by Michael R. Legault in the Blink vs Think era) can be a problem.
Although there are valuable insights in these perspectives, I think that both of these ideas dance around the more important aspect of listening to ourselves in leadership.
Why does listening to ourselves matter to leaders?
Listening to ourselves means listening to all parts of ourselves – even the parts of ourselves that we may try to avoid for whatever reasons. This discomfort with parts of ourselves is something that everyone experiences, even if we don’t all admit it to ourselves.
And yes, this absolutely matters for leaders.
Neurologically speaking, each of us has a broader wealth of knowledge, resources and potential for insights than we typically access in a regular day. And leadership in this era demands that we continuously improve our organizations, ourselves, and our collective outcomes, regardless of sector.
I’ve observed that the ability to really listen to ourselves and pick up on all the things we’re missing matters – especially if we’re missing our insights.
Yes, we absolutely can and must learn from one another. I believe that’s non-negotiable as a leader.
And we can also simultaneously set aside energy to learn from ourselves.
In fact, if we become skilled at truly listening to all parts of ourselves, we’ll actually become better, more conscious leaders who learn from others and take action for better immediate outcomes, better organizations, and yes, even a better world.
And I don’t mean that in fluffy way, either. I mean that in the most tangible of ways you can imagine.
Why do I think these things are related, and why do they matter for leaders?
Whether you’re learning from others or yourself, being comfortable with all of yourself – including the parts of yourself that make you uncomfortable – will bolster your ability to be with the full reality of others around you, too.
This ability to be present with the full reality of others around you matters, because it will help you to more adeptly interact with others, influence and persuade, and, crucially – confront unconscious biases that each of us carries.
In other words, if we can’t be present with our own uncomfortable realities, we can’t be present with uncomfortable realities around us in an effective way.
Positive disruption, confronting systemic barriers, and even motivating and inspiring employees to do their best work all require this level of comfort with keen self-awareness that allows for our own continuous improvement.
I’ve noticed this in myself and my own leadership, and perhaps you can bring to mind moments in which you’ve noticed this in yourself, too.
This really only scratches the surface of this particular practice of emotional intelligence.
We know that all leadership comes down to people. Where there are no people, there is no need for a leader. So it always comes down to people.
And people (internal and external to organizations) matter, whether or not leaders or organizations behave as if they do.
That isn’t meant to be a zinger, by the way, and yet each one of us has experienced organizational decisions that forget about all of the people that make any organization and its outputs a success.
With these shared experiences in mind…
I hope this encourages you to consider ways to engage your full self in healthy ways to benefit your own leadership execution as well as broader organizational aspirations and targets.
If you’re a self-aware leader who actively practices a growth mindset, let me know your thoughts/reactions in the comments.
And if you’ve made it this far, let me know if you’re interested in any resources for learning more about enhancing this particular skill of listening to all parts of yourself – I’ll be happy to share.
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